Meet Darin Toonder | Actor, Acting Career Coach.

We had the good fortune of connecting with Darin Toonder and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Darin, how do you think about risk?

Taking risks are essential for growth and success whether it be in life, career or love.

I definitely would not be where I’m at in my career as an actor without taking risks. A lot of those came from giving myself permission to put myself out there by reaching out to casting directors, directors, show runners, agents, etc. or by making bold acting choices in an audition or on set. Doing this was terrifying. But I have this saying “Safety is where pain can reside.” In my experience, life can be a lot more painful playing it safe than it is to take a leap of faith. Playing it safe and staying in my comfort zone can hurt. It can be depressing. It can be stagnant and boring. Taking leaps of faith, however, makes me feel alive and vivacious. It’s fun and exciting. It stretches me and moves me forward. And yeah, I might fall on my ass or get rejected – or both! But the bonus is potentially reaping the wonderful rewards that come from taking those risks. The best fruit is out on the skinny branches, as they say.

I’ll add this: all those rewards that exist outside of us are out of our control. And if we are fortunate enough to get them, they can all be lost or taken away. But one thing no one can ever take away from you is your character. And by taking risks, by being bold, you can grow into someone that people will have a hard time saying no to.

The day I realized this, is when I started experiencing a lot more success.

Being bold is one of the biggest things I like to instill in the actors and kids I work with for career coaching and teaching.

Can you open up a bit about your work and career? We’re big fans and we’d love for our community to learn more about your work.

The thing I’m most proud of in my career is this:

15 years ago I decided that I was going to start living with an attitude of gratitude. And in 2 months, everything I gave gratitude towards, left my life. I told my girlfriend how grateful I was for her, 2 weeks later she dumped me. A week after that, I gave gratitude to my theatrical agent. One week later, the writer’s strike happened and he dropped me. 2 weeks after that, I gave thanks to my car. 12 hours later, someone swerved into my lane as I was coming up Laurel Canyon and totaled my car. One week after that, I decided to give gratitude to my commercial agent. As I was walking out my door to go do that, my mail man came and handed me a letter and from them. I opened it and it said that they were dropping 39% of their clientele and I was one of them.

I went back inside my house and sat down at my kitchen table in stunned silence. Then I looked up and yelled at the Universe “What the HELL is going on!?!?!”

I sat there and thought “I’ve been in LA for 7 years. I only have 2 tv credits to my name – both of them from The Mind of Mencia! I’ve only booked a few commercials. I have no girlfriend. I have no job. I have no reps.” Things were far from ideal. I seriously thought about quitting acting and leaving town. Then I thought of the phrase “Knocked down 9 times, get up 10.” Then I thought, “I don’t want to quit something just because I’m down.” I decided that I wasn’t going to let myself quit until I got back in the game. Once I got back in, then I would decide if I want to keep pursuing acting or not.

Right after I decided this, all these bold ideas that would move me forward and get me back in started coming to me. The thought of doing them terrified me. And then I had an epiphany, I can get another girlfriend, I can get another car, I can get other agents and I can get a series regular on a tv show and they can all be taken away from me. But if I move forward with this, I will grow and build character. And that’s something no one can ever take away from me. When I realized this, I became very excited and I said, “Let’s see what you’re made of.” This is what drove me to follow through with all those bold ideas. Not the outside rewards.

This new mindset also sparked my curiosity, which was huge. In the past, whenever I took a risk, I came from a place of “have to”. Coming from this place, I would get overwhelmed and then the likelihood of me doing it would decrease tremendously. Now, I started coming from a place of curiosity. I would wonder “what would happen if I called so and so?” Or “what would happen if I asked for this?’ Or “what would happen if I did that?” Coming from curiosity instead of “have to” made me feel a lot more open and calm. It made those bold actions feel so much easier.

A month after I received that termination letter from my commercial agent, I signed with a new one.

A month after that, I shot a National Commercial in San Francisco with an Academy Award Nominated director. On my last night there, I sat in my 5 star hotel room looking out the window at the San Francisco skyline and thought to myself “Wow. 2 months ago I was sitting at my kitchen table staring at a wall with a termination letter in my hand thinking about quitting…and now, I’m here.” Then I thought “so this is what exists on the other side of fear.” I looked up to the universe and I said “Thank you.”

While commercial success came quickly, it took me over 2 years to sign with a theatrical agent. For over two years I kept submitting to reps, kept getting meetings and kept hearing “You’re great but you’re in your mid 30’s and you have no have no credits. I don’t think I can do anything for you.”

Was this frustrating? Oh, hell yes! But it was a gift.

The gift was this: by taking all those meetings and doing all the bold actions that got me those meetings, I was growing and learning how to be more present and to not give a shit. Because of this, I got to experience what I call my “Morgan Freeman Moment.” I’m referring to Morgan’s final parole board scene in Shawshank Redemption. In that scene, he was unapologetically himself compared to the hat in hand people pleaser he was in all his character’s previous parole board scenes. That’s how I was in this meeting. At one point, I told the agent that I didn’t really care if he signed me or not because I knew there was someone who would. And when I found them, I was confident that it would be a fit and that I would work. He stared at me for a couple of seconds then said “Who are you!?! I have never met an actor who had the balls to say that in a meeting.” He wanted to sign me and said he was going to do his best to convince the rest of the agents to get on board. Ultimately, he couldn’t. But it was in that moment that I knew I had grown tremendously.

The very next meeting I had was with Peter Kluge at Impact Artists. He shared the same concern the other agents had but he decided to sign me anyway. He took a risk.

In the first 2 years with him, I booked 10 tv shows.

I’m proud I chose to get back up when I got knocked down. I’m proud that I chose to be bold and grow.  And like I mentioned earlier, by doing so, I think I became someone that people had a hard time saying no to. I believe it’s why I was a lot more successful when I got back into the game than I ever had been before.

As I’m reflecting on all this, there’s this quote that’s coming to mind. I think it might be from the bible. It goes, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

And I’m thinking maybe I wasn’t growing when I was doing all those things. Maybe I was bringing forth what was within me and what I brought forth saved me. It definitely felt good, that’s for sure!

Maybe this is what I mean when I say “Safety is where the pain can reside.” Because when I am not being this way, when I’m always playing it safe, it definitely doesn’t feel good.

So go be bold!

If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
I have really gotten into cooking so I don’t eat out much. But when I have a friend come into town, the first place I would take them is Howlin’ Rays in ChinaTown or Pasadena. I’ve been a Nashville Hot Fried Chicken fan for a long time and Howlin’ Rays is my favorite.

Second is Langer’s Deli for a pastrami sandwich. I don’t get the famous #19, though. I get the #2, I believe. The pastrami on a French Roll instead of rye. Damn, that’s a good sandwich!

Finally, my neighbor, Randall, makes the best ribs I’ve ever had. So whenever anybody comes to town, I ask him to make them.
They’re so damn good that I think he needs to start a food truck or something.

As far as places go, I like taking people to the Magic Castle, The Grove, LACMA and various hiking spots (I really enjoy being in nature).

My happy spot is having a drink on the little balcony that hangs over the ocean at MoonShadows in Malibu.

I also love Aroma Cafe in NoHo.

And I just went to SoFi Stadium for a football game. Man, that place is amazing. I felt like I was a VIP just by walking into that joint!

The Shoutout series is all about recognizing that our success and where we are in life is at least somewhat thanks to the efforts, support, mentorship, love and encouragement of others. So is there someone that you want to dedicate your shoutout to?
Wow! There are so many! But I want to give a shout out to 5 people who were essential during a huge period of growth for me.

Peter Kluge. Thanks for taking a risk on me.

Casting director Craig Colvin. After I had been dropped by my commercial agent, I drove to Craig’s office to ask if he would be open to writing me a letter of recommendation. This was one of the many  bold ideas I had at my kitchen table and I was terrified to ask him. His reply was “Give me a list of the 5 or 6 commercial agents you’d like to work with and I’ll call them up personally and tell them that they need to meet with you.” I gave him a list, he called the agents and I got a meeting with all of them. I was floored by his generosity. It also taught me that, despite what I might believe, people like to support others. So it’s ok for me to ask for it.

Stuart K. Robinson. Shortly after I asked Craig for a letter of recommendation, I asked Stuart for a referral. Again, I was terrified to ask. He went above and beyond my expectations and helped get me with the commercial agency I am still with today.

Robert Phares. Before he was an actor, Robert was a salesman. So he had no problem making business calls. He and I would get together and take turns calling up agents and managers to ask for meetings. Having his support and experience was incredibly beneficial in making those scary calls.

Instagram: @darintoonder

Linkedin: Darin Toonder

Twitter: @darintoonder

Facebook: Darin Toonder

Other: imdb.me/darintoonder

Image Credits
Joanna DeGeneres Photography