Meet Debra Hallisey | Author, speaker and past family caregiver

We had the good fortune of connecting with Debra Hallisey and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Debra, how has your perspective on work-life balance evolved over time?
This is such a provocative question. I started my company when I lost my job because I was thrust into the roll as caregiver for my mother. At the start of our eight-year journey, her health and needs were such that I could devote the time I felt I needed to getting Advocate for Mom and Dad off the ground.

Over time, as her needs increased, working a full 40-hour week became impossible. I really struggled with that and beat myself up over not giving my business the time and energy it needed to become a change maker in the eldercare space. I had plans to become a national speaker and help adult children of aging parents navigate their caregiving journey. But the reality is, the ability to travel was not possible.

It took a long time before I was able to give myself grace, let go of these big plans and realize that I can still be a change maker in people’s lives, just on a smaller scale. It helps that over these eight years, I turned 60. There is a perspective and wisdom that comes with age which clarifies how you want to live your life beyond work.

My mother died last November and for the first time in a long time, I am able to devote myself to my work. But I have come to realize that my passion and impact come from my writing, not only in my blog, but also in the two books I have published. The outgrowth of the books is speaking engagements, not on a national level, but in places where I get to interact intimately with family caregivers. In that interaction I hear their stories and can share what I have learned to help them along their journey. So often as a solo entrepreneur and writer, my work goes out into the universe and I don’t have a clear idea of its impact.

My caregiving journey has been lived out on social media and after my mother died, I posted on Facebook to let my followers know she had passed. I debated about posting on LinkedIn but decided those followers should be told as well. A couple hours after I posted on LI, I got a phone call out of the blue from someone I had never met. She said, “I saw your post about your mother on LI and just wanted you to know I am so sorry. It condolences seemed too private a message to send over LI, but I’ve been following you for years and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am.”

How wonderful and affirming to know that our journey affected someone’s life enough to have them seek out my phone number and call to express their condolences. It turns out that balancing my work life with mom’s needs and my own needs occurred exactly as it was meant to, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

What should our readers know about your business?
What is interesting about my work with family caregivers is that for most of the last seven years I have been in the thick of caregiving. So, I get what they are going through and I love that I connect with readers and clients on a very personal level. It is completely different from the interactions you find in a corporate environment, which is where I spent the first 25+ years of my career.

When I can offer my consulting clients resources that help and give them respite, it is such an amazing feeling. Over time, my consulting work has become more and more about effective family communication because this journey brings up so many issues based on family dynamics, birth order and gender. Caregiving is such a personal endeavor that it requires people to be vulnerable with me and I don’t take that lightly.

I am proud to say that my first book, Your Caregiver Relationship Contract, is still selling well on Amazon, four years after publication. That tells me the book resonates with people. It is available in Spanish as well. I recently published my second book, A Relationship Contract for Dementia Caregivers, and I am excited to be speaking to this group about the book and facilitating discussions for professionals and support groups.

You have no idea when starting this journey how caregiving changes all the relationships in your life. It can break or heal relationships because self-awareness is so important. Knowing how unspoken expectations play into the need to set boundaries is life changing. Once you understand how every child has a different childhood and how that plays into your family of origin being unable to give you the help you think they should, you are able to use your family of ‘choice’ as a strong support system.

I’ve learned that you can grow your business in unexpected ways when you are open to new adventures. My initial business model was strictly as a blogger. But when people began to ask for advice, I became a Certified Caregiving Consultant and started a consulting arm of the business. When I was asked to speak at a regional caregivers conference, I realized my presentation was the foundation for my first book.

As you grow and learn, you have the perfect opportunity to grow your business in new and exciting ways.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.

I am perfectly positioned in Central New Jersey to easily get into New York, “the city” as we call it, or Philadelphia. I love to bring people to places they have never been before, so someone new to the East Coast would likely be taken on a walking tour of New York or to the national treasures in Philadelphia.

I also love to bring people to the Jersey shore, especially if they have never seen the Atlantic Ocean. Sunset on the beach and noshing at various food vendors on the boardwalk is a great way to round out a day.

Of course, there are beautiful places to visit locally as well, from a walking tour of Princeton University to the beautiful Grounds for Sculpture. You don’t have to go into New York or Philadelphia to enjoy a variety of ethnic food choices when you live in this part of the Garden State.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
I want to thank all the eldercare professionals in Central New Jersey and beyond who graciously taught me so much about caregiving, healthcare and our elders, allowing me to share it with others.

I started my company because my mother said to me, “You have learned so much, you should share it with others.” She was right about paying it forward. I am so grateful to her for her willingness to let me tell our story and her encouragement every step of the way as I built my business.

Website: www.advocateformomandad.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debra-hallisey/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/advocatemomdad

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advocateformomdad/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaGJeyiymsuMNdGcFd4rceQ

Other: Your Caregiver Relationship Contract in English: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Caregiver-Relationship-Contract-Expectations/dp/B09KZ43GH3/ Your Caregiver Relationship Contract in Spanish: https://www.amazon.com/Contrato-relaci%C3%B3n-como-cuidador-querido-ebook/dp/B09M91NRQH/ A Relationship Contract for Dementia Caregivers: https://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Contract-Dementia-Caregivers-Complexities-ebook/dp/B0BMWCCFM6/