Meet John Moos, MD | CEO & Founder, Trauma Healer, Physician

We had the good fortune of connecting with John Moos, MD and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi John, what’s the most important thing you’ve done for your children?
As a parent of 6 kids in a blended family, there are a few things I do exceptionally well and many I do very well. But, I can’t rest on my laurels just because I’ve done a few things well. I am always growing and learning with our family system because we are all growing and learning within our family system. These are not static containers, nor should they feel like prisons. A family system should be an incubator and launching pad to birth the best versions of both parent and child.

I show my imperfect self. It’s easy as a parent to convince ourselves we need to send our “perfect” representative instead of our flawed and messy selves. Kids want to see our mess. They want to know they are not alone. They don’t need to look up to us as if we have all the answers, never screwed up, never made mistakes, and are omnipotent. The gift of being a parent is being human together with these beautiful and impressionable kids. We were all kids at one point, making mistakes, experiencing hardship, and doing the best we could in our own family systems – healed, whole, or otherwise. Even in the quintessential “perfect” family systems, there are still traumas that occur, big and small. Honor your imperfections so you can celebrate theirs.

I am accountable for my actions. It is imperative to role model the type of behavior we want to see from our children. Things will not always go our way. We may not get what we want. We may do things that hurt people. But, if we show up and take responsibility for our truth, we are preserving our integrity and staying whole through the hardship without fragmenting our foundation. A fragmented human is less than the sum of their parts. Boats will sink, planes will crash if the integrity of their vessels are compromised. The same is true for the human vessel. Encouraging your kids to stay accountable may not be fun, it may be outright tough at times, but it will keep your kids whole, which is the foundation they need to build their house of lived experience. Be accountable so they learn how to.

I treat my kids with unconditional positive regard. When we treat kids with unconditional positive regards, we build a feeling of trust and connection around them. They don’t have to worry that we will get angry and yell at them, punish or belittle them, or withdraw love if certain conditions or demands aren’t met. If they know you will love them through the best or the worst of times, they will continue to come you, seek your guidance and support, and keep vital lines of communication open that may be difficult to establish later in life if you haven’t done the preliminary work early on. Love your kids without conditions.

I explore their choices and behaviors with curiosity. When we lead from a place of curiosity, we avoid assumptions or expectations. Assumptions and expectations may help us to efficiently filter through information, but it also creates tunnel vision and a lack of attunement. Kids’ have their own thoughts, feelings, rich internal and external lives, and desires they want to express into the world. It is our joy and opportunity as parents to be able to cultivate and nurture their unique expression into the world, not force them into obedience and compliance. Be curious; drop judgments and criticisms.

I don’t make my kids responsible for my emotions or the relationship. This was one I learned the hard way. Most kids learn it through the modeling they experienced in their household. Some learning by their parenting screwups. I know many kids who experience and struggle with parental emotional blackmail and conditional love. This looks like a parent who withdraws love if they don’t get what they want. It can look like parents saying, “you made me feel…” to their child. It looks and feels like guilt and manipulation because it is. We are the adults. We are responsible for our feelings. We are responsible for the relationship. We risk robbing our kids of their childhood if we expect them to parent us, tend to our feelings, and carry the burden of the relationship. You’re the adult; be responsible for your feelings and the relationship so they can focus on being a kid.

As a business, we are pioneering cutting-edge treatment options for adolescents, parents, and family systems. This work is so important to me for two reasons: 1) I was a child once experiencing trauma, and 2) I’m now a parent of children who also experience trauma. Trauma is the root of all mental health challenges, and we cannot avoid it, especially in this day and age, especially with the ever-growing disconnection that is occurring on a systemic scale. I have translated what I have learned from being a child through trauma and divorce, navigating my own two marriages and divorces, two high-conflict custody litigations, educating myself about child development and psychology, finding the love of my life and blending our two families together, and co-creating a healthy family system to hold all 6 of our children. My unique approach to adolescent mental health, parenting, and family systems is informed by wisdom both learned and earned from the crucible of life. If you are a parent, an adolescent, or a family system in need of help, guidance, and unconditional positive regards – we are here for you.

Can you open up a bit about your work and career? We’re big fans and we’d love for our community to learn more about your work.
I never considered myself an artist. I drew stick figures, painted with fingers, and never won any recognition for my art. I barely graduated high school. I routinely scored poorly in English and Literature courses, even failing my Junior level high school course. I never scored well on the written components of standardized tests. I dove deep into science in college, focusing on biology and pre-med studies. I eventually graduated college with honors and went on to medical school, but it was with a concentrated STEM focus.

It wasn’t until I started to face my own trauma, my own pain, and writing through the healing that I was able to reconnect with my creative genius. A voice free of the constraints of rules and expectations found in my English Lit courses. Writing became a way to express what was unexpressed for years. It became a way to organize my thoughts, experiences, and ideas. Writing helped me to make meaning of the pain, eventually translating it into a healing framework focused on the human experience. It is enriched and informed by my human experience, but remains universal within the framework.

Cultivating this framework allowed me to integrate all aspects of myself, the creative, the scientific and analytical, the mystical and spiritual, the structured and logical. It wasn’t until rebuking the “expectations” of what an artist was that I was able to find my own creative genius. It would show up periodically in life, athletics, and relationships. A yearning to express constantly stymied by a fear of judgment and criticism.

Once I hit rock bottom, feeling the weight and pain of all the judgment and criticism, I stopped caring as much about external opinions. I just felt compelled to show up, to create, and to express. I wasn’t afraid to break the rules or challenge the existing ones that defined what healing looked like. I broke down the inner limits of my potential and started to recognize that art is not for the audience, but for the artist. The culmination of this work will be my healing framework I plan to release this year, which will be the philosophical foundation to build upcoming education, training, workshops, and retreats offerings.

For those interested in reading thoughts about life, healing, psychedelics, and all manner of topics, I invite you to subscribe to our monthly newsletter, The Container, at the Soul Surgeon website. We will be announcing updates on the healing framework as well as community events we are hosting there.

If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
I’m a creature of habit, and I live on the westside of LA, so I live in a narrow box. I’d spend my mornings working out at JFM Boxing with some Studio(MDR) mixed in for those morning endorphins. I’d recommend we get some chai tea lattes with a non-dairy milk at Intelligentsia on Abbott Kinney, The Cows End on Washington, or The Boy & The Bear on Washington. I’d show them my healing clinic right next to Menotti’s and Pardee Properties on Washington Blvd in Los Angeles, 90066. We’d grab breakfast or lunch at Rainbow Acres or The Butcher’s Daughter. We might mix up dinners at Ospi, Si Mon, Sushi Enya, Locando Positano, or Pho MDR.

On a Wednesday evening, I’d host my friend at our psychedelic sound and healing community events, which includes an intimate community gathering of six people immersed in a sound bath supported by Reiki and psychedelic medicine healers, plant-based foods, homemade kombucha, and an opportunity to connect (and heal) with amazing people.

If the trip went well, I would refer them to buy or rent a home with Pardee Properties, THE brokerage for all their housing needs.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
Coming on the heels of my 44th birthday, I was recently celebrated by an incredible community of heart-centered people. I am in the process of completing my unique healing framework to help hold transformational healing experiences. It is inspired by some incredible “unofficial” mentors, such as Gabor Mate, The Gottman Institute, Esther Perel, and many others. I continually inspired and supported by my crew at Soul Surgeon by Moos MD: Calina Artimescu (Director of Operations) and Alex Aller-Olsen (Director of Marketing). Without their love and support, I would not have achieved any of the business success I have seen lately. I have to shoutout to JFM Boxing (Venice, CA) and the incredible community there. The Monday, Wednesday, Friday 6a crew is the best group of people to sweat it out with, start the day, and keep me regulated throughout the day. A massive thank you to the community, collaborators, and friends who continually see and support the best version of me.

And, of course, my love and co-creator, Tami Pardee. My experience with her at Pardee Properties taught me more about business than I could have learned getting an advanced degree. My experience with her in life and love has also taught me more about intimacy, connection, joy, and love than all of the books in the world. She is my muse. To the beautiful 6 kids we are honored to parent. My two little rascals – Delilah and Kai – and her four – Taylor, Bailey, Tanner, and Jack – are the best family a guy could ask for. They bring out the best version of me always, inspire me to do and be better, and bring so much joy to my life watching them navigate their own challenges and triumphs with grace.

Website: soulsurgeon.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soulsurgeonmd/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnmoos/

Other: Newsletter signup – https://soulsurgeon.com/thecontainer

Image Credits
Soul Surgeon by Moos MD