Meet Theresa Stroll | Playwright, Composer, and Performer

We had the good fortune of connecting with Theresa Stroll and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Theresa, why did you pursue a creative career?
Growing up, I felt a lot of emotions and I felt them very intensely. My folks tried to toughen me up to prepare me for the harshness of the world. I became tougher but I also internalized the belief there was something wrong or broken about me and I judged myself for what I felt, even when I couldn’t help it, which only made life harder than it needed to be.

I’d spent the last few years trying to find another career that was more conventional and reliable. Safe. My folks still suggest other careers, like that I become a vet because I love dogs, but I couldn’t operate on them or put them down. I love writing but struggled to write under pressure, as I write at my own pace. In considering other traditional paths, I would be flooded with yet more intense emotions.

Being on stage allows me to fully express everything polite society requires me to mute within myself. Writing my own musicals allows me to say what’s important to me, and maintain some semblance of control in my life. I can make characters that are complex, not two-dimensional. As an actor in a bigger body, I found a lot of the roles to be reinforcing negative stereotypes and I don’t want to contribute to that for the sake of earning a paycheck as an actor. I wrote a whole musical about it–My Big Fat Blonde Musical.

I’ve gone through several downward spirals in trying to find another career, aside from a creative one, but I kept getting spat out at the same conclusion–I am an artist and that’s not something I can truly turn off, even if I give away all my mediums of expression, which I have done in the past. I only take away all the ways I can communicate when one medium isn’t enough. When words fail to capture feeling, there’s music. When music isn’t enough, there’s movement, there’s color. The emotions I feel don’t need to live in me, I can help set them free in a cathartic way. And maybe that expression of how I feel can help someone else feel less alone.

Since early childhood, I’ve struggled with complex ptsd, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and a learning disability. At the bottom of my most recent downward spiral was the truth that I don’t want to leave this earth without communicating honestly how I feel. I want to show what my internal experience is like. That realization helped me channel that part of myself into translating my emotions into whatever language I can.

I’d experience a lot of resistance to starting on my work, because I’d want the end result immediately–before I took any action–thinking that would save me from the pain of making mistakes, but that just isn’t realistic. We grow through what we go through, as the old adage goes. Life will keep moving on whether I create or not. I may as well fill my days with something meaningful to me. As my hero, the late Stephen Sondheim said, “having just the vision’s no solution, everything depends on execution, the art of making art is putting it together.” Just dreaming about the life I want or the art I wish to make won’t make me feel better, but taking small steps towards my goal–no matter how imperfect–will. I can slowly prove to myself what I can do and gradually tackle bigger and bigger challenges. Thankfully, all we have to deal with is today. This present moment.

Making art requires a surrender of the part of us that wants to control everything inside. Let your heart cry or scream or be angry–on paper, through music or movement, with color–if that’s what it needs. As long as your actions don’t hurt yourself or others–it’s a form of catharsis. It can bring relief. Keeping how you feel inside hurts eventually, it’s best to get it out and channeling that through creativity brings meaning to life.

Let’s talk shop? Tell us more about your career, what can you share with our community?
My work is emotionally honest and passionate. I want my work to inspire, empower, and help people–who’ve felt the way I have–feel seen. Currently, the way people like me are portrayed is with judgment; stripped of the nuances of humanity for a joke or a punchline, not a real, valuable life. To continue to reinforce negative stereotypes is to contribute to the degradation of a society. It creates further division where we need more belonging. That’s certainly not in the direction of healing or peace, which is what I aim for my work to accomplish, even if it’s only for one person.

I’m proud of learning to channel how I feel into art. I failed music theory twice in school. That does not stop me from composing. There are so many ways to learn and improve skills for free on YouTube, in podcasts, books, and masterclasses, etc. I would constantly tell myself how bad my own art was and I would give up because other people were better. I don’t need to be better or compete. I don’t want that burden. I want to exist and let that be enough.

It has definitely not been easy to get to this point. Many days I don’t want to get out of bed, but I tell myself, “I can feel this way and still take care of myself.” I embrace what I’m feeling and carry on with it. At the end of the day, I am truly the only one who can help myself to feel better. Getting here took a lot of mistakes and small victories that were often soon overshadowed with doubt and fear. The challenge is mostly internal. I believe if I lead with emotional honesty, what is meant for me will find me. In the interim, I will do what I can, when I can and give myself grace and compassion along the way. My main goal in life is for inner peace. Second is to help others find their inner peace, as well.

I want people to see in themselves the ways in which they hold themselves back. I want to help people recognize the messages they’re telling themselves, and recognize where all their thoughts come from, because we’ve adopted the beliefs of the people around us without even realizing it. We need to intentionally look inside and pull apart the beliefs that belong to other people and live by the values that are meaningful to us, as individuals. I want people who feel broken to find a way to feel whole, as I have learned–and am learning. I’m working on a new musical that’s along these lines–I’m very excited about it.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.
I’d take my best friend to Joshua Tree. It has a calm, openmindedness about it and a great place to clear your mind. We’d spend 2 days and 1 night there, exploring. Then, a road trip back to LA. I’d show her places where our favorite shows and movies were filmed, like Echo Park Lake, a studio tour, and Griffith Observatory. The next day, we’d have brunch at Harvest Moon Kitchen in Valley Village, then visit the Getty Museum, then drive to one of Santa Monica’s beaches (on a week day, I’m not a fan of crowded spaces). We’d get dinner somewhere that piqued our interest and end the day with Salt ’n Straw–they have such great unique flavors on rotation. Combinations I’d never think to try! On our last day, we’d likely be tired, so a drive up the coast of Malibu, stopping wherever to go to the water, take a photo, or enjoy the present moment would be perfect. If it were the month of June, however, we’d likely spend the week seeing original theater works at the Hollywood Fringe Festival. LA attracts many creatives, it’s inspiring to be immersed in that environment and I’d definitely want to share that with someone I care about!

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
I’m grateful for the Affordable Care Act. I was able to afford regular therapy, care, and medication when I needed it most. Without it, I surely would not be here today. I’m grateful to my therapist, who has listened with compassion and created a safe space for me to externalize my thoughts–untangling those untrue, unhelpful thoughts into ones that empower me to help myself.

I’m grateful for my mom, who welcomed me into her home after my life fell apart in 2020 and I couldn’t stand on my own. It was a difficult transition from living independently to living with a parent as an adult. Still, life is a sequence of impermanence and I am grateful for this unexpected time with her. She won’t be here forever and neither will I. I’m grateful for the space she has given me to find what I needed to do for myself.

I value the podcast, Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, for having emotionally vulnerable conversations that helped validate my own experience and gave me courage to speak openly about it. I also value the books, “The Untethered Soul,” and “The Artist’s Way.” And many more books, but I could continue to talk forever about that.

Also, general shout out to audiobooks. Often, people erroneously suggest audiobooks aren’t reading, to which I say, different learning styles exist. If the information is still obtained, does the method really matter? Before I had an outlet for my (many) thoughts, it was tremendously difficult to sit still and read a book without thinking of a million other things. Sometimes, listening while taking a walk can help information sink in more deeply. Who are we, as individuals, to decide the legitimacy of how others obtain information? Is it really a competition? If so, with whom?

Website: TheresaStroll.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresastroll/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDzHdld30lf29F73VjtUViw

Image Credits
Matt Kamimura Photography (www.mattkamimura.com) Edrea Lara Photography (@edrealaraphotographer) Sammy Balleto Photography (http://www.sammyballetophotography.com/)