Meet Vanessa Carlisle | Writer, Somatic Coach, Death Doula

We had the good fortune of connecting with Vanessa Carlisle and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Vanessa, other than deciding to work for yourself, what else do you think played a pivotal role in your story?
When I decided to fully commit to working for myself, I knew there were skills I needed to build. I invested in a Healing Money Trauma group to work on my emotional struggles with money and business. I invested in one-on-one personal finance and small business finance coaching, joined a practice group with other solopreneurs, and kept studying, reading, listening to podcasts, and searching for resources that would help me overcome some of the self-defeating beliefs I had. I told myself, “I’m a smart person, and I can learn this. I need to find good teachers and apply myself, and I’ll learn what I need to know.”
Making the decision to think of myself as a learner, rather than someone who was supposed to be successful right out the gate without any background in business was SO important. I’ve been gentle with myself as much as possible, and I’ve allowed my work to grow slowly. I collaborate with people who can have open, clear, respectful conversations about pricing and payment. I have stronger contracts and boundaries than when I started. I’ve learned so much about how to put my work in the world with integrity, because I took the time to process my feelings and learn practical information I needed to know. I spent years studying, practicing, getting good at the work I do, and I took that mindset into building a sustainable business for myself.

Alright, so let’s move onto what keeps you busy professionally?
I do a lot of things: I’m a self defense instructor, a somatic coach, and a death doula. But the work that I’ve trained the most for and done the longest is being a writer. I got an MFA and then a PhD in Creative Writing, Literature, and Gender Studies, and I did it while also being an out-of-the-closet sex worker. I write both fiction and nonfiction that creates space for complex humans to have wild, full stories. My 2021 novel, Take Me WIth You, is about a queer sex worker who has to face her grief in order to build deep loving relationships.
Whether I’m working in the sexuality field or the end-of-life care space, teaching writing or teaching self defense, everything I do is connected. I live in a time and place where people are increasingly isolated and struggling to connect with each other. I believe that surviving trauma is a superpower, and I support people in their journey to recognizing that power within. I’m interested in bodies and shame-free aliveness.
I’ve had challenges ranging from sexual assault to lists of rejection letters from programs and publishers. The key to moving through losses and pain is to fully allow the feelings to exist. To rage, to cry, to go slightly mad for as long as you need to. To be honest with yourself about what happened, and to decide how you want to take action. To fully surrender to the experiences you are having, and trust that the people you love and who love you back will walk you through it.

If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
For food, I can’t eat wheat gluten so I love John O’Groats in West LA–they have gluten free biscuits, waffles, pancakes, it’s a brunch heaven for me. Their corn beef hash is dream-aboutable.
I also love Levant Mediterranean Bistro on Sunset in Echo Park. The restaurant is entirely gluten free and it’s absolutely mouth watering amazing lucious food.
Right near USC there’s a food court called Mercado De Paloma, and inside is a Michelin-star restaurant called Holbox (pronounced hole-bosh) where you can get the absolute best tuna ceviche in the city.

For activities, an underrated place to visit the ocean is the Redondo Beach Esplanade. You can park for cheap or free near the Esplanade Bluff Park, and walk the length of the beach on the top of a bluff. We’d go for a sunset, because the sun sets over the water like a postcard and you can often see dolphins!

I love the Museum of Jurassic Technology in Culver City and I always take out of town guests there without telling them what it is. It’s a bizarre and hilarious experience that always delights me.

I’m a huge fan of the Independent Shakespeare Co. who put on a festival every summer in Griffith Park and shows throughout the year in their Atwater Village theater. I’m on a picnic blanket eating cheese and enjoying life if it’s showtime in the summer.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
I would love to thank Meenadchi and her workshops and writing. She facilitated the Healing Money Trauma group that helped me build a stronger foundation as a sole proprietor. https://www.meenadchi.com/pages/websitehome

I’d also like to thank Hadassah Damien of Ride Free Fearless Money, who runs a killer Build a Better Small Business workshop and does excellent personal finance coaching. https://www.ridefreefearlessmoney.com/

Website: https://www.vanessacarlisle.com

Instagram: @vanessacarlisle

Image Credits
Vidy Oviyan