Meet Jacqi Lee | Artist

We had the good fortune of connecting with Jacqi Lee and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Jacqi, have you ever found yourself in a spot where you had to decide whether to give up or keep going? How did you make the choice?

Something I am continually practicing is letting go of tangible, external outcomes as indicators of whether or not to keep going in any effort and instead trusting the intangible, internal feelings that are often difficult to find words for and sometimes deeply uncomfortable and confusing, which tell me I am doing something aligned with my core values and important for my growth as a person, and therefore as an artist.

I haven’t read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield in its entirety yet, but I came across one of his quotes in another book recently that resonated with me and I think speaks to this question: ‘The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it…If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.’ For a long time, my default response in the face of fear or resistance has been to just do more, push harder, work faster—a mentality that was modeled in my environment growing up and I think is reinforced in our society, which values productivity, grit and speed. For me personally, that approach helped me to keep moving forward and ‘progress’ from an external perspective until it didn’t anymore and I realized (and am still realizing) how damaging it has been to me internally. What I am trying to learn now is how I can lean into resistance and slow down instead of trying to ignore or outrun the discomfort. And really try to reflect inward and trust myself to find the next best move.

Let’s talk shop? Tell us more about your career, what can you share with our community?

I work primarily with clay and fiber to explore themes of fragility, transience and fragmentation as they relate to the self and shared human experience. I create abstract sculptures as well as functional art objects for the home and body.

To be very honest, I was hesitant about doing this interview because I feel somewhat lost and insecure about where I am professionally in this particular moment and like I am in a period of hiatus before I’ve really even begun my career as an artist. For most of my life, I have struggled with depression and anxiety but found ways to cope and relied on the scaffolding of school, work, and other people’s needs and expectations in order to function and find purpose. To some degree, I realized how severe my condition was already in my late teens and early twenties, but I only sought short-term help in times of acute crisis and ultimately, my depressive episodes became more debilitating and longer in length over the years. There came a point last year, when I mistakenly thought I was ready to make a big transition that involved prioritizing my creative work and I relapsed into a long, steady period of decompensation, which led to my first experience in an intensive outpatient program. I had to stop everything I was doing that did not revolve around the most basic activities of personal care because my daily functioning had become so impaired.

While mental health conditions and vulnerabilities are increasingly talked about as a public health crisis, I think there is still a lot of stigma and lack of social awareness that make it really difficult for people to acknowledge that they need help before reaching a point, or often repeated points, of crisis, let alone actually seek that help and navigate all the logistical barriers to receive it. Like others I have been thankful to meet and who have shared with me their own struggles with mental and other invisible illnesses, I have internalized messages that I am weak or simply not trying hard enough, that something must be inherently wrong with me, that I have no reason to feel any other way besides happy and grateful, or that if I can’t clearly explain or visibly prove it, whatever I’m experiencing must not be real. Our dominant culture perpetuates all sorts of destructive myths, including the bootstrap fallacy and the idea that people can snap out of mental health issues or other hardship if they just think positively and work hard enough. Specifically relating to creativity, I think we have also normalized a false notion that artists create better work or perhaps thrive off of suffering. 

So, it has been difficult to challenge my own self-judgment and accept that I am in a process of recovery right now, which is slow, nonlinear, nebulous and difficult to explain, even to the people closest to me. And to make the effort to untangle the roots of long-standing, harmful ways of thinking and behaving. I am learning to allow myself to be in a place of unraveling, of discovering my own pace, of separating my self-worth from what and how I produce or output, of not knowing exactly how to define my brand or story just yet but being willing to explore possibilities. I am learning to trust that taking care of my health means building a new foundation, which enables me to relate to myself, my creativity and the world around me in a more sustainable and meaningful way.

Any places to eat or things to do that you can share with our readers? If they have a friend visiting town, what are some spots they could take them to?

Personally, I would plan a friend’s visit around some of my favorite places to be outside and enjoy the weather and different landscapes that the area has to offer. I really enjoy driving along the coast and spending the day at farther but less crowded beaches in Malibu or riding my bike along the Ballona Creek bike path to the beach in Marina del Rey and continuing south. There are also great hikes in the Santa Monica Mountains to the west, Hollywood Hills in mid-city, and further out east in Altadena for example. One of my favorite places to enjoy a sunset picnic and the company of friends is Barnsdall Art Park, where you can also tour the Hollyhock House. And on a clear night, the Griffith Observatory offers an impressive view of how vast Los Angeles is.

There are so many great places to eat, but some of my go-to spots for different occasions are Ramenya, Yabu, Buna Ethiopian Restaurant & Market, Attari Sandwich Shop, Mariscos Jalisco, Pizzeria Sei, Jade Wok and Oriel Chinatown. For exploring art and culture, I would suggest the well-known museums, like the Getty Center, Hammer Museum, LACMA and MOCA, as well as other places like the Museum of Jurassic Technology, Craft Contemporary, Various Small Fires, Watts Towers Arts Center, and Walt Disney Concert Hall. I think of Los Angeles as a sprawling collection of smaller neighborhoods and pockets of life, each with their own personality. Sometimes it’s nice to just pick one point of interest or pocket for the day and hang out for a little while.

The Shoutout series is all about recognizing that our success and where we are in life is at least somewhat thanks to the efforts, support, mentorship, love and encouragement of others. So is there someone that you want to dedicate your shoutout to?

I am incredibly lucky and grateful to have a support system, which includes my partner, family, friends, mental health professionals, and peer support groups. I recognize not everyone has that kind of support, especially when navigating mental health issues, and I do not take that for granted. Thank you infinitely for your kindness, patience, love, trust and encouragement.

In terms of other local creatives and entrepreneurs, there are so many people I would like to shout out specifically. Here are just a few who have been especially important to me and continue to inspire me through their wholeheartedness as individuals and dedication to their respective pursuits: Nikolai Lafuge and Nicole Herman Lafuge, designers and founders of Studio Colonnade; Jennifer Lee, architect, baker and founder of Open Studio Design; Akua Agyen, holistic therapist at Manifesting M.E. Wellness; Lina Alvarez, owner of pottery studios Good Dirt LA and Members Only LA;Julie Cho, graphic designer, educator and partner at Omnivore, Inc. and co-founder of Thick Press; Danielle Wright, founder of social impact marketing agency Coligo; Andi Israel, affordable housing developer and founder of RxLA; Sally Sujin Oh, producer and co-founder of Field Trip Media; Adrian Kay Wong, visual artist; Daphne Driscoll, movement educator; and last but not least, Lindsay Dilworth, owner of retail shop Altwood.

Website: jacqilee.com

Instagram: @friendofwinter

Image Credits
Andrew Castro (@andrewcastrophoto); Nicole Herman Lafuge (@nicole_herman_lafuge) & Nikolai Lafuge (@nikolailafuge)