We had the good fortune of connecting with Ali Dubin and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Ali, we’d love to hear about how you approach risk and risk-taking
Risk. It just sounds dangerous. It feels unsafe and perilous in my cells. My stomach does flip-flops and my particles cannot rest. My limbic system is on high alert.

Danger. Danger. Danger.

I was once a risk taker. As a child, I was brave and did all sorts of things I would never have allowed my kids to do. I moved out at 18. I came out – on national television! I spoke in front of thousands of people on a regular basis. I hiked alone in the woods. As long as no one else was negatively affected by my choices, I was able to be brave. In fact, taking risks was a rush – failure not yet on my radar.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped taking risks. I mean, little ones like dropping a scoop of Greek yogurt into my banana bread batter or adding spice to a pot of soup – those I can do. But the big ones? I am scared I might make the wrong decision and regret taking the risk. If my decisions affect somebody else’s happiness, I freeze. I search for the path of least resistance in an effort to not upset anyone or cause as little discomfort as possible to the other person(s).

My intuition does not always align with my choices. It needs to.

At 45, I decided to go back to school to get my doctorate in psychology. I would be graduating 20 years after completing my master’s in marriage and family therapy. The idea of doing this as a single mom was terrifying. Spending that kind of money at the risk of possibly not finishing, or it being too overwhelming, or failing, or having to quit because my kids needed me – I took a giant risk and paid for it upfront in order to get a discount. That was a huge, terrifying, risky choice, but I wasn’t going to hurt anybody but myself if I failed. I bet on myself and made the right decision.

On the other side of each risk was something better. No risk, no reward, right? I think that if we can remember that with each risk comes either a hard lesson or a great prize, we can see it as a positive either way.

Can you give our readers an introduction to your business? Maybe you can share a bit about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
I have a private coaching practice working with individuals and various types of relationships (couples, families, parent/child, co-workers) helping them with communication, feeling heard and understood, and working on the blocks that get in the way. I am an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist working on the last of my required hours for licensure under the supervision of Figs and Teale at Empathi for Shine A Light Counseling Center. I have extensive post-doctoral training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) and specialize in working with LGBTQ couples and families and those questioning their sexuality/gender. I also teach Parenting Education.

How did I get here? I grew up with a gay dad. At 17, I founded COLAGE LA and at 19, proudly co-founded COLAGE internationally – for children with one+ LGBTQ care-givers. I went to UC Santa Cruz for my freshman year and took a Humanistic Psychology class. We met for group therapy in a circle under the giant redwood trees and I was instantly hooked. I transferred to CSU, Northridge to get my teaching credential and a BA in Deaf Studies and then pregnant with my first daughter I went right into grad school for an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy at Phillips Graduate Univ. I began to work in private practice but then stopped to have and raise my two daughters who are now in their 20’s. Along the way I worked as a portrait photographer and life coach, and I spent a few years in the conservatory at Second City learning Improvisation with the best teachers! And at age 45, I went back to school and completed my doctorate in Psychology: Marriage and Family Therapy followed by unending years of training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

It was a long road, but each stepping stone led me to where I am now – clearly doing what I was meant to be doing. I love my work. I love my clients! Truly, it’s a passion more than just a profession.

If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
If a friend was coming to LA for the first time, I’d take her to Venice Beach. We would have great food, buy fun clothes, and maybe rent a bike and ride to the Santa Monica Pier. We would hike Fryman Canyon and have breakfast at The Good Neighbor restaurant. Carpinteria is a little over an hour north, but makes a great day trip (you can even take the train and enjoy the local breweries without having to drive home) – be sure to have breakfast or lunch at The Worker Bee Café. On your way up, stop at Palermo’s in Ventura for coffee. I’m not really a night person, but if I were we’d go to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl or Greek Theatre under the stars. My favorite spot in the city is in the hammock in my backyard under my big tree with a good book.

The Shoutout series is all about recognizing that our success and where we are in life is at least somewhat thanks to the efforts, support, mentorship, love and encouragement of others. So is there someone that you want to dedicate your shoutout to?
I have the most amazing sisterhood that I meet with weekly but text with daily. Dr. Barbara Heller, Terri Wright, and Dr. Shelley Sendack live in Bavaria, Mississippi, and Las Vegas respectively, and I live in Southern California. Being in different time zones doesn’t stop us. We are all EFT Couples therapists and we really support each other far beyond just being colleagues. They lift me up, help me see, and hold me close when I need them. I am most grateful to each of these women for seeing, honoring, and loving the light within me.

Website: www.dralidubin.com (coaching only)

Instagram: @askalicounseling

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dralidubin

Other: please email ali.dubin@empathi.com for therapy inquiries

Image Credits
Cathryn Farnsworth

Nominate Someone: ShoutoutLA is built on recommendations and shoutouts from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.