We had the good fortune of connecting with Arpita Gupta DePalma, MD and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Arpita Gupta, have there been any changes in how you think about work-life balance?

When I started our private medical practice in 2011 in addition to working part-time as a pediatrician, I had this belief that everything that I created had to be perfect because it was reflective of me and would impact my/our reputation. That led to me working crazy hours every week, never trusting other people’s work product, and always believing I was the only one who could get things done properly the first time. I realized gradually with mindset coaching that I was creating these false beliefs for myself, and it ultimately led to me becoming more and more inefficient. No matter how hard I worked or how much I tried, I was never satisfied with the results and nothing was ever good enough. So, I just kept working to try to make things better, because the bar I had set for myself was simply unrealistic. I wasn’t allowing myself to see that.

With mindset coaching, I recognized that my worth was not tied to the products and results I was creating, and that I was already 100% worthy and valuable just as I was, for being who I was being, mistakes and all. It didn’t matter what I was doing for my career, it didn’t matter what other people thought about me, it didn’t matter how much I had to show for my “success”. What mattered was my belief in myself that I was invaluable as I showed up, perfectly imperfect, even on the bad days. Crossing off the TO DO list items each day to finally allow for rest, which came only after it was past my bedtime, really was an urgency that I was creating in my own mind. I slowly recognized that I had to let things go. What mattered was me loving myself first, taking care of myself first, and allowing the crappy days to just be crappy without having to fix everything, because I am human.

I recently wrote a journal entry on this after being given the prompt to describe a crossroads in my life. This is what came out of my heart:

Letting Go:

I decided I needed to let things go.
That it was no longer all needing to be done.
That it didn’t all need to be done perfectly and my way.

But it was so hard.
Would it all fall apart if I wasn’t the one navigating the ship?
Would everything I had worked so hard to create gradually crumble over time to chaos and disorganization?
What if this impacted our livelihood in the end?
What if people would think I was not that “good” at this if it wasn’t all perfect?

I started with baby steps.
Not finishing everything on my list for once.
Wow.
No one seemed to notice.
There was no visible ripple effect.
Nothing broke down.

Then, I omitted one thing that I thought HAD TO GET DONE- and didn’t do it.
Boy, that was hard.
Waiting for it all to crash, for the repercussions to come.
For the scolding or embarrassment following the lack of follow through or completion.

It didn’t.

Gradually, I began to do the things I wanted for myself.
The things that fulfilled me and brought me joy.
And they were taking the place of (and the time of) those other things that I had before made be so pressing, prioritized, and important.

Holy Shit.
THIS is what enjoying what we do means.
THIS is effortless work.
THIS is my calling and what fills my cup.
Healing others, but in a different way.

And still, the old priorities do call me here and there.
The repercussions do appear now and again for things that got missed or that were done incorrectly.

And, other people are able to right the train back onto the track.
Nothing is permanently damaged.
Everything can be figured out.
Everything happens exactly how it is supposed to.
Other people can support us to allow me to do what I do best.
It doesn’t have to all be on me.

I was the one creating all the urgency.

And, I can let go.

What should our readers know about your business?
I started Thought Work, MD in February 2021 after I was fortunate enough to benefit from the power of mindset coaching. There was no way I was going to keep this amazing secret from others. And with the state of healthcare and the struggles my physician colleagues were facing, I knew I wanted to do my part in sharing these gifts with them. Specifically, I wanted to improve the way I was showing up for others in my life- back then that looked like being angry and reactionary most days. I felt embarrassed after these outbursts but still was not able to hold back when something set me off or activated me, and I wanted to make a change. So, I began to focus on how to control my anger reactions, focused on building my awareness on when and why I would be set off, and then work towards putting steps in place to help me take back my control. And it wasn’t easy. And, I still have setbacks that I use as opportunities for growth for myself, and to teach to my clients. What I recognized was that anger had become comfortable and automatic. Even though I did not like the way I was showing up, I knew how it would play out. And it felt better than feeling the urgency, shame or disappointment… my most common underlying feelings that I was trying to avoid when I became angry.

No one wants to admit that they show up angry at times. I had one client tell me her voice sounded almost demonic when she yelled at her husband, and it scared her. There is a lot of shame around anger. But, if we don’t acknowledge it and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to admit that we want to work on it, there is no room to change. Doing this is uncomfortable, but the staying in the comfort of doing what has become automatic (our anger reactions) doesn’t allow for us to change.

I founded Thought Work, MD to help physicians and professional women learn how to identify, manage, and then let go of what is not serving them through mindset coaching.

I help powerful women learn how to stay ahead of their anger so that they show up calm, collected and in control, ready to lead and execute with poise. In my group programs, our coaches provide our clients the unique tools they need to optimize how they show up each day in order to accomplish more, while being happier doing so.

As the founder and coach, I specialize in helping clients with anger management, time management, perfectionism and self-worth issues, parenting and cultural disparities, business development, and any other area they want to up-level in their lives.

As women, we work hard. We juggle multiple hats. We are tired, yet we delay our own self-care and celebrations in the interest of others, ultimately at our own expense. It’s time for a change.

Let me help you empower yourself… to become exceptional.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.
Well, I live in central Virginia. Honestly, I believe you have the best time wherever when you are with people you love. That being said, I would probably take my guest to Cary Street, the new breweries, and local boutiques for a day. From there we could do day trips to Middleburg, VA, Williamsburg, VA, and maybe Virginia Beach. There are so many different places to visit and things to do within hours of my home here.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
Shout Out to Brooke Castillo, CEO of the Life Coach School My fellow physician coaches and colleagues- there are TOO MANY TO LIST and these people are the reason we do this work!

My husband and partner in life, Michael J. DePalma, MD
My children, for challenging me unknowingly to show up better and better each day and continue to grow by managing my mind.

Website: https://thoughtworkmd.com

Instagram: @thoughtworkmd

Linkedin: arpita depalma

Facebook: @thoughtworkmd

Image Credits
Heather Machut Photography

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