Meet Kari Lu Cowell | The Anti-Soulmate Love Coach & Multi-Passionate Creative

We had the good fortune of connecting with Kari Lu Cowell and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Kari, can you talk to us a bit about the social impact of your business?
I help people create personal liberation around dating, romance, and sex.

There is so much anxiety and fear in the world around dating, romance, and sex these days that many people have stopped trusting themselves when it comes to intimate, interpersonal relations.

Because we’re conditioned to constantly seek more or better, people have lost the ability to relate with people in their full humanity.

It’s like people have to be perfect or the relationship “won’t work”.

I’m not saying that people should stay in sh*tty relationships, but I feel like we, as a society, have lost the discernment process around what is being a messy human and what is an actual problem.

We’re told from a very young age that love looks a certain way, so if we desire to love differently or if someone loves us differently, it’s easy to think there’s something wrong, when that might not necessarily be the case.

The work that I do with my clients frees them from the anxiety that is so common in dating, romance, and sex these days, and helps them rewrite the codependent, fairytale romance stories we’ve all been taught so that they create relationships that are authentic to them.

This could look like monogamy, non-monogamy, queer platonic relationships, and anything else my clients might desire.

The point is that my clients feel safe in their body to be honest and vulnerable with others about their desires.

What should our readers know about your business?
The foundation of my business is love of all kinds with an emphasis on love for yourself.

Yes, people often come to me for help with romantic love, and our work together helps them feel fulfilled in ALL of their relationships, not just their romantic ones.

Our society places romance on a pedestal and has created this hierarchy around love, and, quite frankly, it’s bullshit.

The love you have for your partners or spouse isn’t any more or less important than the love you have for your friends. We, as a society, should be able to use the word “relationship” without putting so much weight on it.

I have a great relationship with the owner of the taco truck I frequent. It’s not romantic, and it is also transactional in nature, and it is still a relationship where I can build some intimacy.

I got to where I am today in my business and in my relationships through life experience and a Doctoral education in Clinical Psychology.

It wasn’t easy because I had to do a lot of inner work around deconditioning from what we’ve been told is “normal”, along with not having an example of relationship structures that worked for me. I was basically creating my relationships out of thin air because I wasn’t following the societally prescribed structures.

I think what helped me create relationship structures outside the box were my experiences as a child. I grew up with an abusive mom and love was very conditional with her, so I sought out people who would love me for my authentic self. I created a chosen family, and if it wasn’t for them, I don’t think I’d be half as successful as I am today.

Being loved by people who accepted me as I am (and their parents) opened my eyes to the importance of love outside of romance.

There have been so many people who shaped who I am today, and gave me valuable life lessons about dating and relating, like how to argue, the value of commitment, interdependence, etc.

Stepping off the relationship escalator (dating, marriage, kids, etc.) and choosing what authentically worked for me, despite well intentioned people trying to put me back into a box, was 100% worth the freedom I have in my life today.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.
I love Los Angeles!

I feel like there are so many interesting things to do here and the possibilities are endless.

I think if someone were visiting me for a week, I would take them to Venice and Santa Monica Beach because there’s always something creative happening there.

We’d eat at Tlayuda LA, Amara Cafe, allll the taco trucks especially Priscilla’s in Reseda and Tacos 210 in Altadena, and definitely visit Salt & Straw and Wanderlust Ice Cream. (I love food!)

There would also be at least one trip to an escape room, either at 60 Out or Escape Revolution.

I would also take them to Hollywood Forever Cemetery because I’ve never been there but I’ve heard great things!

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
My friends, chosen family, and community are what keep me going. There are so many people in my corner, it would be impossible to list them all, but here are a few key players:

Julia MotherFucking Wells, who came up with my business title and helped me run business in a pleasurable way
Lacey Sites
Dr. Kimberly Rose Pendleton
Weeze Doran
Rachel Symington
The partner I currently live with
All of my friends and chosen family who have supported me along my journey

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.
All About Love by bell hooks

The works of MLK, Jr, Mother Theresa, and Ghandi,

Website: https://bookme.name/antisoulmatelove

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karilucoaching/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/antisoulmatelove

Image Credits
Alex Carlson