Meet Kate Anthony | author, critically acclaimed podcast host, and high conflict divorce coach

We had the good fortune of connecting with Kate Anthony and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Kate, looking back, what do you think was the most difficult decision you’ve had to make?
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, deciding whether or not to leave my marriage was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.

When I was in the depths of despair, struggling with this decision, I was repeatedly told that I needed to stay for my son; that children from “broken homes” (ugh) do less well in school, grow up to have poor coping and relationship skills, and become drug addicts and alcoholics.

So I kept trying. I bent myself into pretzels trying to make my marriage work because I was so terrified of screwing up my child. I took responsibility for ALL THE THINGS. I went to therapy, 12-step meetings, and took personal development courses in which I was taught that I was 100% responsible for everything in my relationships, so I just kept trying to fix myself hoping it would fix the marriage.

But at the end of it all, I was exactly where I started: lost, confused, and miserable. In fact, even more so. Because it turned out that all that advice wasn’t just bad advice, it was factually incorrect. This was in 2007 and 2008. We didn’t have podcasts or Instagram, and the amount of information available to me was (clearly) very limited—and very biased.

Then one day I had an enormous epiphany and realized that I needed to leave my marriage for my son.

I suddenly realized that what my ex and I were modeling to our son wasn’t what I wanted him to grow up to have for himself. While I had this vision of myself as being strong and powerful, I was actually anything but. I knew that with this model my son would grow up to be controlling and critical, and that he’d choose small, meek, codependent women to prey upon. And I realized that the only way this young, innocent child had any chance at creating a happy, lasting, loving relationship in the future was for my husband and I to get out of our marriage. Quickly.

Fast forward fourteen years, and I now have the top divorce podcast, run programs and groups for women, and have written a book—all with the intention of providing the education and clarity to women that I’d so badly needed when I was struggling.

What I now know is that if you’re the only one working on yourself or your marriage, the relationship will never get better. I now know that research clearly shows that children who live in homes that are toxic and abusive fare far worse in life than those whose parents make the choice to separate—even if only one of their parents creates a stable, safe environment for them.

And the best part is seeing my son two years into a beautiful, healthy, loving relationship proving that my epiphany was, in fact, correct.

Can you give our readers an introduction to your business? Maybe you can share a bit about what you do and what sets you apart from others?

I am currently most proud of my book, The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage. I am also the host of the critically acclaimed and New York Times recommended podcast The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast (which boasts over 3M downloads) and the creator of the online coaching program, Should I Stay or Should I Go? which has helped hundreds of women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work. I am certified as a Domestic Violence Advocate, a Co-Parenting Specialist, and a High Conflict Divorce Coach.

At my core, I’m a coach who empowers women, and this is a pretty intense time to be in the women’s empowerment business, especially in the divorce arena. Because at the end of the day, women’s empowerment is directly linked to feminism, and at its core, feminism is about the eradication of the patriarchal systems that oppress women—and all of those systems have their roots deeply entrenched in white supremacy.

Overwhelmingly I’ve spent the last decade helping women get out of toxic and abusive marriages that are a direct reflection of the political and systemic landscape in which we find ourselves right now, where women’s rights are constantly on the chopping block, from the wage and income gap to the choices we are “allowed” to make about our own bodies. This puts me in the direct line of fire from a lot of angry white men, which I find ironic because they tend to prove my points when they push back on me.

What truly sets me apart is my no-bullshit approach and my authenticity. I’m not the kind of coach who tries to create the image of unattainable perfection—that’s a pedestal I’m not interested in being on, or inevitably toppling from. I’m most impactful when I’m sharing my struggles and failures, past and present. I am also highly educated and researched in my field, so take a clinical approach in an accessible, f-bomb-wrapped package.

I want women to know that toxicity should not be the default state for women in relationships, and that they deserve to be happy, loved, respected, and equally collaborated with in their marriages and their homes. The fact that this is as radical as it is says a lot about how low the bar really is.

If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
I like to take guests to The Huntington Gardens, Runyon Canyon, and Venice Beach. All fairly touristy, but also fun and cool.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
I want to dedicate my shoutout to the millions of women who are suffering in relationships that are unhappy, unfulfilling, or abusive. There are few things more confusing than being given a lifetime of messaging telling you that marriage and motherhood are the brass rings, only to feel let down, miserable, and victimized by the institution you’ve strived for most of your life. I want you to know you’re not alone, and that there is help, support, and freedom available. To the tens of thousands of women who listen to my podcast, have read my book, and are in any of my groups, you are all heroes to me and to your children who get to have a mom who shifted generations worth of trauma, messaging, and cycles. It takes one generation to break the cycles of abuse in a family. You are that one, and collectively, you are changing the world—no lie.

Website: https://kateanthony.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide/?hl=en

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/divorcesurvivalguide/es?trk=people-guest_people_search-card

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/YourDivorceSurvivalGuide/

Other: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-divorce-survival-guide-podcast/id1345075933