Meet Ari Hader | Actor

We had the good fortune of connecting with Ari Hader and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Ari, how has your perspective on work-life balance evolved over time?
The work/life balance of an actor is complicated because while sometimes that balance is tricky due to practicality – i.e. “I have to be on set for a month in Hawaii” (#manifesting that 🙂 ) – often it’s the mental load that can take you out of the present moment with your family and friends.

An acting career, as we all know, is largely predicated on luck. Not a new thought, but one worth repeating to myself and to people I mentor. Talent is necessary, I have to believe that. In the long-run, the cream rises. But so much of the opportunities we’re presented and the booking of those jobs is based on luck. That can be rather crazy-making. The other extremely crazy-making part of this career is how there is no real ladder. Booking one job doesn’t always lead to the next. Many people are series regulars for years and then the show gets cancelled and they’re struggling to book their next job. That’s hard to wrap your head around.

The thing that has helped me the most to maintain a healthier work/life balance is meditation. I started meditating about two years ago and through that practice I’ve been able to change my mindset about this up-and-down career. Most of the time, I’m in a positive headspace, which is a change for me from what it used to be. Remaining positive and hopeful allows me to be with my family in a full and present and non-distracted way, and it also allows me to take more risks. I just went to a film festival on Saturday night and reached out to two exceptional directors and now we’re in conversation. Will those conversations turn into a job? Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe in 5 years! But people are attracted to positive people, and I’m calmer. I’m not white knuckling my career, breaking everyone’s hand that I shake. And I have to say – jobs have been coming to me more since I started changing my mindset. I’m working on an amazing film right now with a writer that I met at a different film festival. I’ve gotten to act in a bunch of indie films this past year that are going to kill it in the festival circuit. I have casting directors reaching out to my agent about me, not the other way around. I believe a positive mindset changes a lot of this game.

I was talking to one of my NYU mentees recently and she asked me what she could be doing now, while she’s still in college, to have an easier time out there in the real acting world. I told her: work on your mindset and mental health. If you can be strong mentally, you’ll be leaps and bounds ahead of your peers. And your career will be filled with a lot more joy and a lot less stress.

Alright, so let’s move onto what keeps you busy professionally?
I’ve been acting for a long time – I went to NYU Tisch and got my BFA in Acting and before that I was acting in my hometown of New Jersey at “The Actors Playground,” under the guidance of my still-mentor Ralph Colombino. It started with me just wanting to spend more time with my best friend and also as an attempt to cure my lingering awkwardness (still there)! Growing up, I was a serious gymnast – practicing 20 hours a week, competitions on the weekend. I was a USAG Level 10, record-holding, gymnast and everyone thought the plan was to use that to get a scholarship to college, do college gymnastics, and study engineering as I excelled in math and science.

But, surprising everyone (including my AP Physics teacher, Mr. Sharma, who has possibly still not recovered from the shock), I abandoned the laid-out plan and went to acting school. I auditioned for the top acting schools in the country and left it in the hands of the Fates. If I got in, I would go. If not, I’d be an engineer. NYU Tisch accepted me and I’m so grateful that they did. If they hadn’t, I would be a very sad engineer right now.

The journey to where I am now has been a challenge, which I think is the typical story of an artist. One of the real turning points for me was realizing my gender-fluidity. For years I had long blonde hair, and was auditioning (and being rejected) for ingenue roles. One director actually told me he couldn’t cast me because I looked like I could “beat up the male lead.” I realized eventually that I was trying to fight against the masculine qualities in me instead of embracing them. Once I cut my hair and embraced all of me, not just the feminine parts, things started rolling a lot faster and smoother.

This is why my piece of advice when young actors ask me for it is: what’s the thing you’re insecure about? That might be your superpower.

After years and years of many, many indie films, I got an audition to play the first ever nonbinary patient on “Grey’s Anatomy.” It was the best audition of my life at that time, and I booked it. They wound up having me recur in four episodes, which was a true honor. Everyone on that set was so warm, supportive, and wonderful to me.

Since “Grey’s,” there have been many almosts- I was the second choice for a lot of other recurring guest stars on various TV shows. For a while, I would beat myself up about that but I realized that a lot of this business is luck and I can’t control the things that are out of my control. Getting close on so many things is motivating in some ways – to me it means that I’m doing something right – and I truly believe that the right role finds the right actor at the right time.

Recently I’ve been working on really doing the work to release what isn’t in my control. What is in our control as actors? Doing good work and being prepared is. Submitting ourselves for indie films and plays is in our control (the big TV auditions almost always come through our reps). We can make sure our materials are up to date and as good as they can be. But getting called in to audition is not our decision. Who books the project is not in our control. And wasting precious time with our family, friends, and hobbies worrying about the things we can’t control only hurts us. It hurts us spiritually and mentally. And as artists: the spirit must be strong.

I’m working on a film right now that I’m really excited about – it’s an idea for a movie I had long ago when I was volunteering at the Braille Institute. I play a girl who gets diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy and has 3 months before going blind, and my character winds up going on a road trip with an older blind woman in a sort of buddy comedy/ bucket list adventure. It’s funny and poignant and challenging and beautiful and we’re also trying to cast as many visually impaired actors as we can. It’s being written by the astounding and prolific writer T.C. DeWitt who is visually impaired himself.

Working on “Blindess” has also been a revelation to me. I met T.C. at a film festival years ago, we stayed friends and got coffee every once in a while, and now we’re working on my literal dream movie. The longer you stay in this business, the smaller the world becomes. These days, every set I’m on I realize that I’ve worked with at least one person before and I love that! I go out of my way to connect talented people- both for their sakes and for my own. If one rises, we all rise.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.
Okay, the absolute must-do’s in LA IMHO are:

The Wisdom Tree Hike (this was one of the first hikes I went on in LA and recently I acted in this amazing short film that was partially filmed at the top of it! Kismet!)

DeSano’s Pizza on Santa Monica in East Hollywood

Malibu for a beach day and some oysters

Food Truck Night in Santa Monica

The carne asada burrito at Terri’s Mexican Grill on Melrose

Tuna Canyon Hike

An improv show at the Groundlings

A backyard BBQ with some of my closest friends

Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
Nothing is possible without my family, they are the comfort, the strength, the motivation, the support- mentally, physically, spiritually; they are the reason I can do what I do.

I’m proud to say that after many years of struggling to find good reps, I have the best in the biz. I’m represented theatrically by Clear Talent Group, commercially by Flick, and my manager is Danielle Lenniger at Luber Roklin Entertainment. They’ve been a huge support to me, they fight for me every step of the way, and their belief in me never wavers despite all of the (and I mean a TON) of the “almosts” we’ve all weathered together. Steadfast, true, and incredible at their jobs; I’m grateful everyday for my reps.

A lot of people have taken a great chance on me, and two people I owe a lot to are Linda Lowy and John Brace who gave me my first big break as the recurring guest star “Toby Donnelly” on GREY’S ANATOMY. Without their taking a chance on me and trusting me with such a monumental and challenging role, I wouldn’t have nearly the amount of opportunities I have today.

My mentor, Ralph Colombino, who was my first ever acting teacher at the incredible acting school “The Actors Playground,” in NJ. I wouldn’t have gotten into NYU without him, and I wouldn’t be half of the actor and person I am today without him. He’s still my mentor after all these years, I’m really lucky to have him always in my corner.

Edward Gusts is the reason I’m even being interviewed right now and has recommended me to more projects than I can count. I’ve acted in two movies with Ed and he’s a stellar talent and also a great human.

Lately, I’ve been listening a lot to Dan Harris’ podcast, “Ten Percent Happier.” I highly recommend it for some brain food and some new ideas on how to live happier.

Website: https://www.ariellehader.com

Instagram: @arihaderisyourfriend

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/arihaderactor/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@arihader

Other: DRAMATIC REEL: https://vimeo.com/341147438
COMEDIC REEL: https://vimeo.com/284472316

Image Credits
Bettina Niedermann
Michael Roud, Siobhan Webb