Meet Kayla Andrews | Drummer and good human

We had the good fortune of connecting with Kayla Andrews and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Kayla, what makes you happy? Why?
I came out of the closet in December 2024 and ​it was the best decision, even with all that is going on. The trust and confidence I’ve gained have been made even stronger by the kindness, friendship and love that I have been given by most people. After a lifetime years of questioning, I have finally embraced who I truly am. I never liked the look in the mirror before, calling the reflection “the bully” for most of my life. That creature is long gone, replaced by a beautiful smile.

But that’s the latest part of the story. How I got here is even more amazing. You see, I was married for twenty four years to the most beautiful woman, Randa. We loved each other with all our hearts and I had the honor of taking care of her until the end.

Randa had a rare form of liver cancer and fought ​it gallantly for over fifteen years. She lived her life with gusto and we laughed, played and were silly much more than being sad. When we came home from the hospital the last time, she said ​”I want to talk to you.​” We did this often, sitting across from one another in the living room and having heart to heart talks.

In that moment where I fully expected her to say what she wanted to ​do in her last few weeks, she wanted to talk about me. ” I know there’s this person you’ve wanted to be. Go. Live your life. Be happy. Don’t you curl up in a ball! You live! Every butterfly you see will be me watching you.” I had never told Randa directly that I’m trans but I didn’t need to. She knew and she gave me the strength, even when she was weak, to soar.

I miss her terribly and telling this always makes me cry. But I am living, really living for the first time in my life. In that way, I couldn’t be happier​.

Let’s talk shop? Tell us more about your career, what can you share with our community?
I have played drums for nearly fifty years. Last summer, two friends whom I’ve known and played with for a while called me and asked me to sit in with their new band, Dark Annie. This combination along with the best bassist I know has evolved into a group playing music I couldn’t be more proud of. We just finished up our first four song EP which will be launched in late June. We are all are excited about the music, working on playing live more and getting the word out about the band.

I look at challenges as opportunities in life. It’s amazing to me how much happier I am now that the barriers I used to fear and worry about become tiny bumps in the road and something to learn from. I was good before but embracing change and saying YES to opportunities has made me more confident with an even better, more compassionate heart now.

Any places to eat or things to do that you can share with our readers? If they have a friend visiting town, what are some spots they could take them to?
Right after the fires, the few remaining restaurants were struggling and I heard about the Altadena Dining Club. At yoga one day, I was talking about that group and Brooke, the woman who started the club, was right behind me. We struck up a conversation and, from there, I have met a bunch of Altadena residents, many of whom have become good friends.

While the club has been on a little bit of hiatus, it is starting back up. I’m looking forward to seeing my friends, sharing meals and laughter and conversation again. And also supporting a wide variety of local restaurants and businesses.

I would be remiss if I didn’t also thank the LA LGBT Center and the awesome staff and volunteers who have been such a huge support to me. I have enjoyed giving back in whatever way I can from all the good they do.

The Shoutout series is all about recognizing that our success and where we are in life is at least somewhat thanks to the efforts, support, mentorship, love and encouragement of others. So is there someone that you want to dedicate your shoutout to?
Randa Lynn (Maxwell) Weir for her love and grace as well as Pauly Harter.

Years ago, Pauly and I developed a friendship just passing each other as we walked our dogs. What started out as just two people walking around the block each morning has turned into something beyond friendship. Pauly has become my “brother by choice.”

I was quite depressed and anxious for a number of reasons when he and I met. My wife, Randa, had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I didn’t know how to process my feelings. Pauly told me that he writes a gratitude list every morning and suggested I start doing the same. For over ten years now, he and I have shared our gratitude list first thing each morning without fail. Sometimes they’re short, oftentimes they are emotional and heart-wrenching, but they are always refreshing because the lists remind both of us how good our lives are overall. It’s become my diary in a way. I can process how I feel and writing it down makes it more concrete.

Every single day, we each reflect on our lives, open up our hearts and minds and share. Pain and anguish don’t go away but it’s much easier to see them in the sunlight. Of course, we also share our joys and successes just as much. The trust and confidence I’ve gained have been made even stronger by the kindness, friendship and love that Pauly gives.

Neither he nor I are religious but we both have a personal relationship with God and that is always what we end each entry with, giving thanks for God’s many blessings. It is a great comfort to know that each morning we’ll each have something smile or cry about, inspire or be lifted up, and celebrate the blessings of in our lives.

Instagram: kaylastarrdrums, darkannieband

Soundcloud: Even sooner!

Youtube: Soon!