We had the good fortune of connecting with Stevie Wain and we’ve shared our conversation below.
Hi Stevie, do you have some perspective or insight you can share with us on the question of when someone should give up versus when they should keep going?
At least once a day for three consecutive years, I thought about the girl I kissed in college. Not HER but the act of kissing her because it was the one thing I didn’t allow myself to be: Gay.
THREE YEARS. EVERYDAY. ONE AVERAGE NOT-SO-SPECIAL KISS.
I was obsessed. I was miserable. I completely denied the truest part of me that yearned for real intimacy with another woman because I was scared. I was afraid of what my truth would cost me: My financial security, my sense of belonging to my then-boyfriend, and my safety in being straight.
But I didn’t realize that I was already paying a hefty price: My happiness. I gave up on it. And I think that’s what is at the core of this question: How am I nurturing the part of me that wants? Because in order to really try we have to allow ourselves to say what it is that we want. Clearly. Without extra judgey ass voices. Without the voice of your mother saying “When are you going to get a real job?”
You are your own mom. Right now. Why do you want this for yourself? Are you quitting out of fear? Because as someone who lied to herself about her gay identity for a quarter of her life, I can tell you that even when you “quit” there’s still a voice that reminds you of what you really want. Oprah calls it our “inner knowing” and it’s not one we can wish away if we stop allowing ourselves to create.
MAYBE YOU ARE a writer. MAYBE YOU ARE a comic even though you don’t go out every night and have yet to see your name on a marquee. MAYBE YOU ARE GAY?!
I honestly think you’re gay. Or I just wish it for you in the same way I wish birds weren’t kept as pets: You deserve to fly without the judgment of “Is this too embarrassing to still be doing?” Because you know what is actually embarrassing? Thinking about a weird kiss with a closeted girl who, when you texted to see if she still thought about you, said “Sorry new phone. Who dis?”
Can you open up a bit about your work and career? We’re big fans and we’d love for our community to learn more about your work.
Before the pandemic started, I ran a comedy show called, “That’s So Gay!” which featured the best up-and-coming comedians in LA. It was gay church in my brain because I got to pick my favorite queer storytellers, queer musicians to play at the end of the night and create an amazing queer flyer with cats doing very gay things.
I’m also a screenwriter and I’m actively applying to everything under the sun that could help me break in as a writer. I guess I just want people to see me as a person who is continually working on herself and trying to write from her heart about what matters which is so subjective to our own experience. I love the queer community because I didn’t have it growing up and it’s been incredibly healing for me to be a part of one in my adult life, let alone help create it.
Any places to eat or things to do that you can share with our readers? If they have a friend visiting town, what are some spots they could take them to?
I would take them to Point Dume in Malibu to watch the sunset on the beach and we would eat tomato mozzarella sandwiches from Zelda’s Corner in Venice. We would go surfing at Dockweiler Beach and we’d have THE BEST Thai food in the city at this place in Santa Monica called Thai Dishes. Green curry. Then we’d go kayaking at Marina Del Ray and get ice cream at B Sweet on Sawtelle.
Honestly, this is proving to me how much I love good food and water-related activities, and sunsets. Wow. And then I would throw a party where they could meet my amazing queer friends who are so funny and heartwarming and make everyone feel safe. This who answer is just giving me gratitude.
Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
I want to shoutout to my kickass therapist, every friend who ever recommended a self-help book to me, & my partner for loving me.