We had the good fortune of connecting with Michelle Kash and we’ve shared our conversation below.
Hi Michelle, have you ever found yourself in a spot where you had to decide whether to give up or keep going? How did you make the choice?
Well… this seemed to be the question of the year. Or 2020. Or life.
Right now, writing this at 11:11pm (for real!) on a Tuesday in the middle of the Covid Pandemic… I have no idea.. Do you?
I think for me, when I want to give up… I just take it day by day, sometimes hour by hour. Late at night, when questions start swirling, the stillness brings to surface all things I kind of push to the shadows during the day, in a created busyness of avoidance. There’s no running in the stillness.
I’ve been trying to meet all those questions that are waiting for answers and just sit with them. I mean, of course, I can- and also have- run further. How many episodes in Veronica Mars? 76 episodes plus a 2 hour movie and I just finished the last of them…(please dm me to discuss the ending!)
So now what? Do I keep going or give up?
I think when I feel like giving up, I put the decision on hold. Why not continue and revisit the question tomorrow? Like a carrot on a stick ahead of me, but in this case maybe the carrot is behind me… following me.. looming.
I’ve heard people who are in long term committed relationships be asked about their commitment; how can they stay together so long? And for… forever? .. and they say “Today I choose to be with this person, and tomorrow might be different but today this is my choice.” Although I really don’t relate to decades long committed healthy relationships lol. But- I can relate to choosing today.
When I don’t know whether to keep going or give up, I guess I start by asking myself questions like – Is it just the moment? Do I need a break? Burnout is burnout and there’s no use quitting something when all you need is a break.
Years ago I went to a Non Violent Communication workshop based on the book by the same name by Marshall Rosenburg. The weekend changed my life. It was all about feelings, needs, strategies, a way of communicating that was all about connection and empathy. So maybe I would ask myself questions like – What do I need in this moment that I don’t feel like I’m receiving? Can I give that to myself or find a strategy for those needs elsewhere?
I have elaborate fantasies of running away. Jet Setting around the world, leaving all I know and those I know, and all my STUFF behind, hopping from place to place and having adventures and affairs and exquisite food and love and total ALIVENESS. In these fantasies I only need the occasional nap, and maybe it’s with my foreign lover, intertwined between twisted sheets. Total fulfillment and total pleasure. Pleasure only.
My favorite opera, La Traviata, Alfredo just declared his love for Violeta. She wonders if this is the man her heart “delighted many times to paint in vague mysterious colors?” Can she trust this and fall in love with this man? “Love is the pulse of the whole world, mysterious, unattainable, the torment and delight of my heart”.
She goes on about her conflict and decides that pleasure is the only thing to live for, ‘skimming the surface of life’s primrose path’. Sempre Libera. Always Free.
Total aliveness without those night time questions of what am I doing? Who are we? Does anything matter other than us being alive and healthy and all connected multi dimensional beings orbiting at X speed?? What matters other than connection? Love? Creativity?
I really don’t know. What I do know is if I feel like giving up… I just take a step back, take a deep breath and do some self care or take myself on an adventure. Nap. Meditate. Run away for an hour or two into the life of a teenage girl private detective…. And choose to keep going… or answer the question tomorrow…
Let’s talk shop? Tell us more about your career, what can you share with our community?
I’m an indie pop artist from NY with a background in gospel. I sang in a gospel choir in NY while performing at open mics and small shows around the city. I moved to LA to pursue music where I met Aaron Kamin and we clicked instantly. We spent time writing the record and I started performing all over LA in iconic clubs such as the Whiskey A Go Go, The Hotel Cafe, The Mint, and more. I released my first single Smoking Gun in 2019, followed later in the year by my next single Hurt Me. It was an incredible experience. In January 2020 I released my version of Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus. I debuted on the Billboard Dance Club Songs Chart and rose to #4. I was so proud of myself and my team for the accomplishment of being on the chart, let alone rising to #4. Then Covid hit and the club songs chart froze, as did my club performance tour. I have been frozen at #4. Brrr!
Any places to eat or things to do that you can share with our readers? If they have a friend visiting town, what are some spots they could take them to?
This is a year’s worth of pandemic activities condensed into a week. Hike on the Nancy Hoover Overlook,
Play tennis and get massages.
Go to Astro Gong Yoga on La Brea for a gong bath with gong master Leo.
Eat the gluten free grandma pizza at Prime Pizza
Hear some music at The Hotel Cafe or Bar Lubitch
Eat strawberry cupcakes from Kitchen Mouse
Go to the beach, lay in the sand and drink grapefruit sodas and mini cans of champagne
See a movie at the drive in Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
Aaron Kamin, formally of The Calling, my producer, co writer and friend. We met when I first moved to LA and clicked instantly on music, our love of the italian language, and just… basic weirdness when you meet someone who just “gets it”.
Aaron sees me for who I am as an artist and human and helped me navigate these strange Hollywood waters. We love bonding over our love of dogs and our favorite snacks, and he listens about my love life while we write and record.
Aaron’s been instrumental in my development as an artist and I’m so grateful for our friendship.
Nick Spanos Jodi Kassowitz